Thought Repository

Looking Back, Too Far Back

The other day I was thinking about the past. I have to admit, I was taking stock of my failures with girls, from the first time I can remember having an interest in the opposite sex as such until now. I have a good memory and tend to remember a lot of small details that go unnoticed by other. I have a tendancy to make the least significant things into important memories. When it comes to people though, I also have a tendency to forget to remember. I don't actually forget but I move on, perhaps too quickly. This is all too clear in the fact that while I know much about and have met several of my college friends' high school friends, I don't think I've mentioned to them (or stayed in touch with) more than one of mine.

So, while I was going back over distant memories, I remembered someone who I had virtually forgotten. It is not surprising that I wouldn't offen think about someone I only knew for one month 10 years ago, and not even that well. It was my second year at overnight camp, just after 6th grade. I don't know if I would even call it a crush, if so the most childish version of it. But at the time I was still too socially shy to even really become good friends or stay in touch with someone who I found interesting. Even if I wasn't over idealizing events of so long ago, so much can happen in that amount of time, and people can change quite a bit. It's not often that you rediscover someone that you haven't known for a long time and really get to see the effects of time. I was curious how the years had affected someone I had known.

I did a quick Google search and found out her email address, as well as several articles she wrote for her college newspaper. Although I don't like to put too much trust in information on the internet, I had gotten a little view of who she was now, now that we are real people. I sent her an email. I got a reply. She didn't remember me, which I guess disappoints me a little. I didn't really expect her to, but I know that I often don't expect people to know who I am because I don't think I'm memorable or that they'd have as detailed a memory as I do, yet I seem to always have a bigger reputation than I realize. Well, I guess she didn't remember that much at all from camp. After all, we were 12.

It sounded like she turned out pretty successful and well adjusted, which was good to hear I guess. I suppose that wasn't what I was looking for, as it didn't particularly make me feel any better about the fact that I don't feel that much cooler than I did when I was 12. Still, I thought it was an interesting story. Just another crazy thing I'd do. I'm looking forward to my 5 year high school reunion — another chance to see people I haven't in a long time and see how they are doing.Til then...