At IAAPA I thought a lot about what I'm good at and what I want to do. In fact this whole project this semester has made me think hard about that. I've always thought I was clear on what I wanted, just not very specific. Now I think specificity is required and I never knew to begin with. All this cutting edge interactive stuff, I think I've been distracted from my original purpose. Sure it's interesting, this stuff I've been doing since I joined Stage3. If you think about it though, maybe I've been led astray. That seemed to be the case when I went to MIT and realized that it wasn't for me, that I took a big leap in that direction. But even back here, I'm starting to remember when I was in High School and a freshman here and when I knew that the technology I wanted to master was for putting on a show. And that's what I'm thinking about now. Show control might be what I'm interested in. I mean, sure I'd like things to be interactive, but maybe I should be a little more conservative. The kind of stuff I've been known for might be special to me. I can make people's crazy ideas work. Sort of. But all these things aren't solid enough to be used for real or taken seriously. I can't take them seriously. Sometimes I don't think I'm any good, but maybe I'm just working on things that aren't ready to be any good. If I'm not willing to develope them in an academic setting maybe I should back off. I want to make real shows. I want to design and manage and program and not always be afraid of the frailty of my work. I want to do something solid. I think I'm realizing all this a little late to really do anything to turn around my portfolio and get myself where I want to be.