Sometimes I feel like I am worthless and I'll never succeed at building a decent life for myself. Specifically I'll not be able to get a good job, or even any. Today is one of those days. Today a bunch of the visitors we had at the BVW show are here to interview people. They gave some nice presentations this morning. There's someone here from Imagineering who I would have loved to interview with. Unfortunately I spent so much time working on Randy's BVW show, that I didn't get a chance to sign up, so I couldn't. There were a few open spots with game companies. I don't want to work for them, but maybe I should at least practice interviewing, but how could I do a good interview with absolutely no interest in what they do? I still haven't been able to email the few contacts I got at IAAPA. I'm just worried that I'll never be able to find a job and certainly not a good one. I know I have the skills to work for a number of places, but I don't have the skills to get the job and I don't know what to do about it.

What is particularly depressing is that I know the one place I definately want to work, Disney, and according to Randy I'm not allowed to. Although I think that saying no Disney is a bit of a stretch, I agree that it probably would be a bad idea to try and apply to the VR Studio, which is frustrating because I would be happy there and Jesse was complaining that they had received few resumes from ETC students. They want to hire us, few people want to go there, I do, I'd be good at it, I should be a shoe-in. I should already know that is where I'm going this summer but after the fiasco last year (which frankly I think I take more of the blame than I deserve) that is all ruined. It is just moral crushing looking for a job when you are forced to overlook your most desired option, particularly when it otherwise might have been your most likely to get option.